Restart
by Airrei
Summary: To Celty, humans are fragile. As Izaya stands between Shizuo and bullets, will they be able to stay enemies? As his badly damaged body is taken in, Shinra saved Izaya. Though during the surgery, Izaya was altered. Horribly. Shizuoxfem.Izaya, CeltyxShinra
1. Guilt

Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! But I do love it.

Oh boy, first Durarara fic, and I'm already planning to screw with some minds.

**-Note-** This is yaoi gone hetero, but the theme is still pretty yaoi. May become incredibly ooc, but I'll try my best. Same with grammar. It's off from the main storyline (anime, in my case) and probably won't return to the flow. I have no sense of direction, east might as well be left to me so if locations are not correct, kindly correct me, or if you don't want to, close your eyes and pretend you saw the right thing.

If you're okay with that, please enjoy.

Pairing: ShizuoxfemaleIzaya and CeltyxShinra. I see Shinra as the wife, no matter what anyone says.

* * *

Chapter 1- **Guilt. **  
_Celty Narration_

* * *

So I'm all covered in blood.

Not mine, mind you, but blood nonetheless as I'm heading back towards the laboratory. I dislike the feeling as it seems to stick and cling to my leather suit, the lukewarm liquid starting to dry into a dark maroon color, crusting over. With the speed I'm going in and the wind we're busting through, I feel it closer to my skin then usual, and it's definitely unpleasant. If it were me, it would have healed a long time ago, but humans are truly fragile. Um, with the exception of Heiwajima Shizuo. Except maybe what he lacks as a human physically, he may have made up for it emotionally. You might stick a knife into his hand and he would treat it as much a nuisance as a bug bite, but this, this was too much.

Even if the one I'm carrying behind me is Orihara Izaya.

It's an understatement if you think Izaya and Shizuo hate each other. Yet, when Izaya turned into a human beehive that poured blood instead of honey, Shizuo had enough mind to call on Shinra and I to pick him up. I thought he was treating his rival as package, but I was clearly wrong. Even I felt guilty for thinking that afterwards. I have to basically hold his limp arm to my stomach while steering the motorcycle with one hand because it seems like he's too weak to hang on.

Well…I don't hate Orihara Izaya. I dislike what he does to people's minds, but I'm not a person nor do I have a head. He hires me, and that should have been the end to our relationship. Nothing more or less, though the option of becoming friends was clearly there. He is Shinra's friend, and therefore I could have treated him like a family friend, since to me the only family I have is…well, let's not even go there.

The point is, Shizuo was actually worried about the well being of someone he had wanted to kill for so long going as far as destroying innocent objects and machinery to pummel him. As in, genuinely worried. Nothing like worried because his flea might die due to someone else's hands and not his own. Which I considered, but decided to take back earlier.

Reaching the underground lab, I quickly unloaded the brunette and dragged him towards the door. We were quickly met by a frantic man in a white coat, the stupid but skilled doctor that I lived with. There was clearly seriousness I haven't seen in him for a long time. His face was pale and the sight of Izaya probably made him tremble slightly. That was saying a lot, since he was a doctor known for his steadiness, especially with his hands. This operation was probably going to be done in here, as there was no time to take him elsewhere. As the door to an emergency treatment room shut tight within seconds of their arrival, I took a seat outside. Removing my helmet, the black aura poured out excitedly, but my heart didn't match its tempo.

If I were a human, I would have needed to take a deep breath. Since I'm not, I want to let my thoughts pour out, trying to remember what lead to this. I deal with tragedy as well as I deal with extraterrestrials…when I'm out there I feel just fine. It's starting to sink in though…

-

"Celty! It's an emergency!!" Shinra's barged into the bathroom, and I was flabbergasted.

No. Noo. A little before that.

This morning, it was sunny outside, but I was in a gloomy warehouse waiting for the designated people to enter. Contemplating the method in which to retrieve the mystery item, I wasted no time in testing out phrases over my PDA. That was quickly rendered useless, since after the shady bunch saw me I had to resort to violence. It wasn't a tough job, but that was the only one for that day. Or so I thought anyway.

Instead of going home, I decided to take a stroll in the park. I guess I looked awkward because of my helmet and no one else wearing something so tight fitting and dark on a day like this. It's not like I want to be an urban legend either. I know I wasn't accepted in society, but sometimes living like a normal…person, I guess, seemed like a nice idea. Eating or drinking seemed like a wonderful past time, and maybe I was curious about that. Perhaps if I get my head back, it would be able to enjoy a nice meal with Shinra. Maybe…

Shinra was the only one that I trusted from the bottom of my nonexistent heart. Though he is not immortal and I can feel the deep void that starts to form when I think of the impending end, the time that is now and from now till then would be more than enough. Sometimes he doesn't understand anything about how I really want my head back, but he has been nothing but loving. I'm not exactly sure if I can return the same kind of feeling. He is someone I don't want to lose, and that thought alone kept me near him.

Thinking about it now, perhaps it was the same with Shizuo.

They hated each other for so long, if one had actually managed to kill the other, would they really be satisfied? They are rivals. They hate each other. They want to kill each other. Yet, every time they fight, they just end up where they started. So I didn't think about it. Perhaps they thought it would continue on like that too.

Just like a fragile human life, though, it had to end somewhere. Maybe it was today…

Anyways, after the birds I was feeding flew away due to three kids from Raira Academy rushing their way with a unnatural blonde in the lead, I decided to go home. When I was bored, I usually watched movies or chatted with some friends online. One of my online friend, Tarou-san, had recently moved to Ikebukuro. Maybe I would see him sometime. Or maybe I have, and never noticed it. Maybe that timid looking kid who was with that blonde just now was him. Heehee. He certainly looked like a Tanaka Tarou*.

As for the other, Kanra-san, well I think I have an idea who that might be. I just hope that I'm wrong.

So I headed home around late afternoon wondering how the time passed by so fast. After being greeted by Shinra who was also back from work by now, we watched a French movie I didn't understand one bit. By night, I was feeling sticky from the past workout I wasn't feeling in the breeze of the park, and decided to take a shower. Halfway through though, I was interrupted.

That brings us back to where we were. Shinra had barged in, I was shocked, and even more shocked when he tried to explain to a half naked me in a towel about what had happened. In fact, he wasn't explaining at all. All his broken sentences stated was that his friend, the information broker, the rival of the most feared man of Ikebukuro, the human lover, the oddball, the Orihara Izaya, was shot by members of a gang. Strangest thing was, he was apparently being a meat shield for Shizuo himself.

Then with that information I went to go retrieve him. Meeting up with a desperate looking Shizuo, heaving a dead looking Izaya amongst a row of horribly beaten up bodies that I guess was the blonde's doing almost made me laugh. It wasn't because I thought it was funny, but I was scared and somewhat surprised. The nervousness of this whole situation made me want to laugh, and I was glad my head wasn't there at the time.

Did Shizuo wipe out a whole gang for Izaya's sake? That thought circulated through me over and over as I loaded him behind me on my trusted stead.

Sitting here out the emergency room and thinking about this, I felt guilty. I had no idea what was going on, and I feel like I just simply overlooked too many things that day. If I had a head, I might have said some things I really would have regretted now. Shinra might be right…humans talk too much and about stuff they don't understand. Maybe that's why he said I was complete without one…but even so I still want it back.

After a while, Shinra came out. He had a mixed expression on his face, somewhere between truly distressed and halfway proud. Sitting down next to me, he didn't say a word for a long time. I could only try to guess what had happened.

"Well, Celty," He sighed. "He hasn't died yet, but when he wakes up, he might want to."

I could really…really…only guess.

* * *

*Tanaka Tarou is a pretty generic male name used in samples. Female counterpart is Yamada Hanako. Or so I've heard. By the way, if Celty does know the owner to the name, then pretend she doesn't lol.

Ummmm. What did you think?

By the way, flames are acceptable as long as you give me a reason why. Reasonless ones I'll ignore.


	2. Regret

Oh my. I didn't think I would be getting this much support, and honestly, I'm surprised. First of all, thank you for the reviews, there were some daamn interesting ones in there I couldn't stop laughing at. You know who you are, I hope. Also thanks for faving, putting it on alert etc.

I love every one of you.

Hopefully this chapter will answer some of your questions too.

-Note- A bit more language then necessary in this chapter. I don't own any references if you catch them. Again if something doesn't seem right, correct me or close your eyes to it. (Such as, how can Izaya not die from that?)

* * *

Chapter 2- **Regret.  
**_Shizuo Narration_

* * *

Yazuka bodies piled up on the side of the filthy alley, and they were the same fucking group that kept at me ever since the goddamned incident. Shit. Shit shit shit. One charged right at me frantically brandishing his metal bat, seeing all his comrades twitching on the side. Some were half naked having lost clothing articles due to being blasted away, and others were merging their blood from crooked noses to make a grotesque pool on the ground. Spitting to the side, I grasped the bat being swung, not caring if some veins in my arm were sacrificed. Not that it would be from something like this. Maybe if Simon swung a bat, but not this asshole.

"Duuuuurrrryaaaaaa(rarara)!!" I heaved the dimwit by his bat as if he were just a dumbbell and grasping onto the end with both hands, swung him across the room, tossing the stick with him. Brushing my hands off together, a thought of just punching them repeatedly into the ground occurred in my mind, but let it go. I hated violence…after all.

Walking out of there and into the street, I looked left then right. Right. I was heading to Shinra's till these bunch of dumbasses interrupted me. Why? That was around three weeks ago, and I'm trying to get it out of my fucking mind.

* * *

"IiiiiiizaaAAayaaaAAH!"

Flea bastard was back in 'Bukuro for whatever reason and he dared cross my path. That filthy vermin should have been exterminated for the sake of some peace for my mind. Framing me for everything there wasn't a culprit for and involving me in everything he could manage to hire. Even the way he talked was irritable as hell, calling me some damned name like Shizu-chan. Muscles bulging and a vending machine over me, I was about to become a human bazooka. Didn't learn this in no girl scout camp.

I hated him. Every single cell in my body knew the routine when he crossed my line of vision. Grab some piece off the city, aim, and hurl it towards him. The louse usually dodged, but I wouldn't give up. Not until I stop the source of his breathing.

"Ohh, scary, scaaary! Fufu, you won't try to solve anything with words will you, Shizu-chan? Oh, but don't stop now, that's what makes you worth provoking." Was he contradicting himself? That bitch's words never made sense anyway. He ranted and ranted about nonsense either way, and I'm guessing he just loves how he sounds. When he dies, I'll go to his funeral and crush his cell phone.

Ugh. That actually didn't go according to plan. Whatever…

Halfway into touring the entire Ikebukuro, we were met by them. The group that turned my resolve up until this point into a huge paradox.

"ORIHARRRA IZAYAA!" A guy that seemed pretty badass if he wasn't three feet tall, stepped out, puffing a cigar. With a group of around fifteen men in black suits around him he looked out of place, but recognized the brunette rat immediately. None of this mattered to me though, the flea bastard stopped in his tracks so it was obviously my chance to chuck something at him.

Izaya saw what I was about to do, and he actually kind of looked troubled. "S-sto-"

I cut him off mid sentence by chucking a stop sign like some javelin. It missed, and went straight into the bushes where it took out five of the yakuza's men. Didn't matter. Not right then. Though Izaya smacked his own face into his palm and shook his head side to side.

"What'th dith? You 'rought more 'rap to 'lean up?" There was some lisp in his tone and if it wasn't obvious, the short man was clearly the leader. At his words the black suits seemed to perk up and look towards me from their shaded eyes. The way they looked at me like I was some kind of plaything… this kind of treatment, I really hated it the most. I could already feel my anger boiling towards them with the flea bastard to the side half out of my mind.

So when they came in a group, I was already grabbing two heads, smashing them together, ducking at some knife, elbowing them in the gut, and piling them up as they blasted away. Half of them were already gone, the other half watching shamefully by the boss' side, waiting for their orders.

Then it happened. The yazuka boss twitched in his step as last of the crowd was cleared, and I felt myself being pushed to the ground sharply as a huge bang shouted into the partially deserted street of Ikebukuro. The few seconds after that were in complete silence as I watched my rival stand before me, slowly veering to the side, but stumbling to keep himself up. I inhaled some air, but mid gasp it sounded again. Bang. Bang bang. The others had joined in, and showers of raining lead fell over the scene. Every shot going haywire, rebounding into oblivion, some boring holes into building walls, but none ever reached me. Each time, the thin frame of the bastard covered for me, each time refusing to go down no matter how his legs were trembling.

"Wha………why the hell…" I gasped, my eyes wouldn't the form of his back.

Izaya seemed to be smiling, "W-why wh…at? Oh…t…thi…s?" His trembling hand reached out to smear some of the blood starting to appear on the side of his mouth. He struggled to even sigh. Two more bangs. Izaya doubled over this time, and luckily it seemed the boss was out of ammo from the clicking sound that could be heard from a short distance.

I don't remember so well after that. I feel like I might have killed a few people myself, but I know one thing. That jackass ran away. I thought hard, but my mind remained blank so I called Shinra trying to tell him to get his ass over. Celty was coming. I hauled Izaya up when she appeared, and I thought Izaya mumbled something insulting, but I couldn't fucking tell. He was fucking dying on me because of some goddamn yakuza.

It was his own fault. He probably did something to them. That's why they came chasing after. Then if they wanted to shoot at me, he could have just stayed away. Didn't he want me dead? Celty carried him away. His fault. His fault… I also wanted that bastard dead. Shouldn't it be a fitting scene?

So why did I regret it so much, throwing that one stop sign?

* * *

Ever since then, those freaks followed me around. Maybe I didn't mind so much, I hate violence…I hate it, but it was the only way to keep my mind off those thoughts.

Though until today, I actually thought Izaya was dead. Shinra failed to contact me for the longest time after the episode, and I just thought he didn't want his death to bug me. Fuck it, why would it bug me? If he had died it would have been for the be…st… Damn. DAMN IT.

Why is it that I feel so relieved?

UGHHHHH. I hate him so much. If he is still alive, I'm going to beat the crap out of him. Make him spill why he bothered to let me live. Yeah, that's probably it. That's the thing biting at my conscience. Why did he try to save me?

* * *

Ignoring Shinra and even Celty's hold on both of my arms, I busted through the door to where the flea bastard was supposed to be.

"IIIIiizzAAYAAA-mmphhhhhh!!" I practically roared before Celty covered over my mouth with her small, gloved hand. The flea wasn't awake, but he seemed to twitch in bed. My heart started to sink badly. Tubes were attached to his arm and he was horribly still. We shuffled over by his bed, because I was practically dragging the two by my arm. There, Shinra probably saw my crestfallen face I tried to hide behind my shades and let go of me, and Celty followed.

"Izaya-kun…uh, Izaya-san……… seems to be in better condition now. We were able to remove the oxygen mask recently; the lungs seem to be adjusting, and seems like wake up could be possible at any point," Shinra was careful of something, but I couldn't really tell.

I just stared, stared so much that it could probably bore a hole into the flea if it were a solid. Stared so silently and concentrated that Shinra and Celty trusted I wouldn't do anything stupid and left my side to regroup in a corner. Only the uneven sounds of breathing could be heard if you focused enough. After a while, the couple left the room, leaving me to stare at an imaginary image of Izaya waking up conjuring from the molds of the white wall. Even though his sleeping face looked harmless and even distressed, he was a man I hated… Would I throw something at him? Shake him and demand his answer to the question throbbing at my head?

My fingers shook as they hovered over the raven locks. They had grown out some, falling over his lashes that seemed pretty long close up. He had pallid skin, probably from being more active at night than day. It looked flawless, I trailed my trembling finger over it a little. Smooth…almost like a females. He looked so feminine now…Is that my heart I hear in my ears?

I started to turn around, I'm starting to lose myself. I feel like chucking something at the wall now, ugh. Just get my ass out of here… I'll just leave it to Shinra…

"Sh…u…ch…an."

I did not recognize that kind of voice at all. It was squeaky, lacked a proper pitch, but I did know who was calling me. I flipped back to face him, instantly, and my eyes met with his crimson ones. They were glazed over and half open, his grown out bangs covering over some. Fuck, Heiwajima Shizuo, you did not just think that was sexy.

"Izaya?" I could feel myself turning around and back at the door again. I couldn't…I couldn't lose my temper here. I was going to go call on Shinra…

_Thud._

The dumbass probably tried to get up! He had failed and now he was sprawled on the ground. I rushed over, and grabbed his arm, only to realize there was something soft and squishy nearby. Color probably left my face when I sat him up to find out what it was. I quickly pulled away and skidded backwards. "The Hell?!!!!"

"What? W-what's g-going on…" Even though he had just woken up from his very long sleep, Izaya probably found his voice strange since he lifted a pallid hand to his throat. His wrist bumped into something, and he felt a shiver run down his spine. He gulped. He looked upwards, realizing where he was, around him, spotting me who probably looked scared out of my mind, then downward.

Izaya was wearing light green patient's pajamas. Two unfamiliar objects obscured his vision to see any further then his chest though. His hand moved slowly, inching towards his inner thighs. I looked away quickly, feeling a blush rise to my cheeks because that wasn't such a bad vision. A yelp of misery confirmed both of our nightmares.

Shinra peeked in from the busted door to check what all the noise was. Seeing Izaya up, he ran in with open arms.

"You're awake! Thank goodness!"

We gaped at him in horror. We gaped at him till he let his arms down and scratched his cheek awkwardly.

"What. The. Fuck. DID YOU DO TO ME?" Izaya stumbled on weak knees but managed to grab onto Shinra's collar with both hands, dragging the IV bag behind. She tore the needle out and pointed it towards the doctor's eye. Whoa, no matter how much change Shinra did to the body, that was Izaya alright.

"I knew it!" Shinra cried. "I thought D cups would be hard to move in so I gave you Cs. I'll fix it so please don't kill me!"

We both readied our arms for a punch, but it was Celty that smacked him down.

"Calm down," she clicked and clacked at her PDA. "Let him explain."

Honestly though…? In my mind I was wondering if maybe I wanted to punch him for making him a C.

* * *

Thanks for reading again, those who came back. Hope I didn't fail your expectations? Also, hello newcomers.

Shinra's pov next chapter. Took me a great while to get to the point…


	3. Shame

Thank you again, everyone! Here is the third chapter, and hope you enjoy.

-Note- Probably won't be much of an explanation as I am tossing things out randomly. Sorry T_T orz. Shinra's character might be ooc a bit (or a lot).

* * *

Chapter 3- **Shame.**  
_Shinra Narration_

* * *

"I didn't forget to contact Shizuo, I was just afraid he would actually come kill Izaya in his sleep if I told him he was still alive. Even I'm not that tactless…haha."

Celty looked disapprovingly at me which emanated from her whole body. I could tell those things when it came to her and I hung my head until she finished typing. Although I expected her to say something about how I should have at least contacted him, the latter made me laugh. "So you do realize you are tactless sometimes." So she was jealous after all.

"Come on, give me a break," I opened my arms wide to pull her into a hug. She didn't return it, but instead replaced her slender fingers on the computer keyboard. Instead of letting her finish her sentence, I just pushed her down and smiled. "I had a hard day and you know that too."

About that hard day…

* * *

"It was a joke, gosh."

Izaya gave me an exasperated look, as she rolled her eyes sighing in frustration. "I think I hate you."

"I thought you loved everyone," I teased, sitting on a chair backwards, across from where the brunette was sitting, on the patients bed. We managed to force her back on it, we being me and Celty because we couldn't trust Shizuo with it. Don't get me wrong, Shizuo wouldn't have crushed her or anything, but I'm getting a weird vibe he would have done something else. "Except Shizuo, I think? Or am I wrong now?"

"I'm pmsing, and shut the fuck up."

"You can't," Ignoring the extra comment, I spun around on the chair once, and kicked backward in case needles came my way again. They didn't, but I couldn't be too cautious.

Izaya sneered, her arms crossed tightly over her newfound chest. Then the arms fell to the side, as if she remembered they were there and was in despair. "You would know."

I hung my arms over the backrest and smiled slightly. If Izaya could regain that kind of attitude towards me, it seemed like she wasn't that upset anymore. Of course I guessed the initial shock would be strong…but I didn't do this because I hated her. It was the opposite. Even though sometimes I couldn't care less about this cheeky information broker's well being, she and Shizuo were the only best friends I had along with Celty. When 'he' came in all fucked up, I was pretty sure it was the end of Orihara Izaya. Well, of course that's if I wasn't the doctor! I work miracles, and this one was pretty miraculous. But in a way I guess it was the end of Orihara Izaya.

"So…" Izaya started. I knew the question was coming so I scooted closer, dragging my feet along the tiled surface and the chair rolling forward. "What exactly happened?"

I pointed my finger up and in a deadpan voice, replied, "Actually you are not a human anymore. I have removed your brains and implanted them into a robot body that looks just like-"

_Smack._

"Ouuuch," I pouted, now with a handprint across my face. She has mastered the art of bitchslap. Great.

Izaya shook her hand side to side, glaring. "It was written in my program," she said in an oh so very sarcastic tone.

"How would you know I'm lying!" I sulked. How come I could never fool Izaya? It would have made for an interesting explanation if she had let me continue. I had this planned waaay before she woke up. This was why we were friends though, we sort of understood each other. Sort of.

"If it were true, I'd question your hobby. Not that I don't." Oh yeah. Izaya wasn't originally a woman. Why would I made the robot a woman now? How forgetful of me. Wait, waaaait, what the heck did she just mean by that. Oh no, she didn't. "Give me the real explanation."

I exhaled in a defeated manner, and reached for her shirt. Slowly unbuttoning them from the front, she squeaked in utter surprise. Gotcha. I got her back for that one. Being a doctor, looking at naked skin isn't that arousing most of the time. In fact… Oh…just the thought of undressing Izaya of all people makes me feel kind of sick. If only it were Celty…

"W-what the f-f-fuck are you doing?" The brunette sputtered, trying to pull away. She didn't have much strength to, since she seemed to have used it all earlier.

"It's a lot easier to show you. You didn't get the chance to see for yourself, and if you had you probably would have asked anyway," I mentioned as the shirt fell away and revealed reddish patches of skin that seemed to make a rough pattern along the psychotic humanitarian's original white skin. Looking at it now when it had meshed together successfully, it didn't look nearly as bad as when it was first done. I was somewhat relieved, but the other's horrified face revealed that she had a lot of getting used to. I tried to soften the blow. Or not. "It was this or the afterlife."

It didn't look like Izaya was going to talk anytime soon so I continued. "Luckily Celty had gotten parts for an operation I was going to do that day. The daughter of my valued client was in an accident. Let's just say that I saved you instead, and though they found another doctor, they're still after my head." No. No they didn't actually get to save her, but I wasn't going to be mean to Izaya. She liked to play with humans, maybe, but she was still soft enough to feel guilt. Maybe I was more twisted than anyone around here…I've seen and come in close contact with death often. "Let's just say some things on you couldn't be saved and the parts didn't match up anyway so I decided to entirely turn you into one."

"…Why didn't you just let me die?" Dark hair loomed over her crimson eyes, as the forbidden thought was uttered. It would have made sense and everything…now he was part someone else. Probably someone who wasn't expecting to be killed and used in this kind of operation… I didn't expect though, for her to look so sad about it. Or maybe she felt sick about being merged. Or being a woman. "You don't particularly like me. You're a professional, though underground, doctor. If things like friendship is your reason- HEY STOP POKING ME. I'M TRYING TO TALK HERE!"

I didn't stop. Instead I laughed, ruining the whole entire mood, and watched Izaya blush into a dark crimson. (Where I'm poking is not appropriate for this rating.) "Hey, hey, Iza-chaaan, you can actually feel it? Surprising. I did a good job connecting all the nerves~"

"FUCK YOU! I'LL KILL YOU SHINRA!"

"What the hell are you bastards doing…" Celty and Shizuo opened the damaged door, loosely hanging and completely falling apart when they reentered just at that moment. They had been shooed away by Izaya earlier in attempts of extracting information from me herself.

They saw us, and we all twitched. I admit, it was not a favorable time for them to come in with the brunette half naked and on top of me. The chair was the only thing spinning in the silent room until it skidded to a halt. "Uh. Don't misunderstand. Please."

* * *

Celty held an ice pack to my cheek and I understood why Izaya would go as far as learn parkour for the sake of avoiding Shizuo. Eff, this hurt like a bitch, but if Celty was tending to me maybe it wasn't all that bad. Hmm…I blacked out for a bit so I forgot to wonder why, but now thinking back on it, why did Shizuo hit me for that? Was it for Celty? But Celty doesn't even seem to care. Aww, come on, please be at least a little bit jealous.

"You know, I wonder why," I told her. "Maybe it was because it was so spur of the moment."

Celty looked at me like, say whaat?, but I just rambled on. "A shame. A real shame as a doctor. I can't save two people, and if I have to choose one, I choose the unprofessional option. Is it friendship?"

The headless beauty seemed to ponder her answer for a bit. Removing her hand and the ice pack away, she opened her computer. "Sometimes, it's human for one to act depending on their emotions. It wasn't an ordinary situation and what's done is done. Either way you would have felt like this."

"You're right…" I sighed, leaning heavily against the couch. My thoughts turned to Shizuo and Izaya left in the patient's room. Were they okay together? "At least that duo looks better now."

"Yes…Shizuo seems just fine now," Celty commented. I was somewhat jealous of him now, and wondered vaguely what they talked about while I was doing my explanation. Then again, Celty had been pretty shaken up by that incident too after she drove Izaya over, and she had actually seen the setting. "How come you forgot to contact him for so long? Did you know he almost destroyed Ikebukuro during the last three weeks?"

And…we talked on.

* * *

Next one may or may not be last chapter. Still thinking of how to wrap it up lol.


	4. Restart

Umm, last chapter! Thank you guys for sticking with me chapter through chapter. I am going to miss you all, and I will write something crazy again most likely soon. Hoping to see you all again -group hug gesture-.

-Note- Crack warning. More than usual. Trying to justify OOCness with the fact that two unlikely people are supposedly in love with one another. **Edit:** After talking through with my friend and somewhat editor, I decided to patch up the ending a little better. I usually do not like to disrupt things, but this time I felt it was not complete until I did so. (Tysm Kayleigh)

* * *

Chapter 4- **Restart**  
_Izaya Narration_

* * *

"Why do I have to be stuck with you, flea bitch."

I rolled my eyes, letting my feet dangle off the edge of the bed scraping the ground. Vaguely wondering why he had to add flea when addressing me, I just guessed that it was the same as me calling him Shizu-chan. How cute…a pet name. Ugh. Disgusting really. I'm more compatible as something clever. Maybe fox or raccoon…

Shizu-chan coughed and disrupted my line of thought. I replied rather icily what I thought of this whole situation. "You don't have to be. You can go out there and disrupt that idiotic couple. Throw something at them, go on. It's not like you don't know how. Why, I'm even surprised you aren't right now. Don't you want to hurt me? Don't you want to hit me? There's got to be something you can throw in here, maybe that door…or maybe you can't after all. Is it because you feel sorry for me? Well, I don't need your sympathy at all. I'm just doing great! Who doesn't want to be a woman, right? Maybe you can't throw anything at me because you're a fucking gentleman! Wow. A dream come true isn't it. Me turning into some chick. In fact, it's so incredible that I should cut off Shinra's hand to marvel at it for all eternity and-"

"OH MY GOD, SHUT UP!" The blonde shouted, his sunglasses askew and veins bulging in plain view. His hand twitched toward the unhinged door before retreating hesitantly as if to reconsider. He sighed, taking in a deep, deep breath and let it out. I watched blankly, my mouth shut but my mind all over the place. I don't know what Shinra did with my hormones, but I decided to blame him for my mood swing from here on.

I'm also going to hold him responsible for this extremely uneasy feeling I'm having. Maybe it's because when Shizu-chan is around I had an excuse called running and narrowly escaping with my life to blame my constant heartbeats. I'm not running. My life is not in danger (anymore). What the hell is this feeling.

I was still contemplating through the second awkward silence when he disrupted me again, "Why the hell did you save me then? You wouldn't have had to go through this."

I ignored the fact that it sounded like it took him several hours to ask me that question, well revised and repeated in his mind several times over. Also the fact that he was trying to have a civil conversation instead of letting his arms do the talking. And…it struck me to wondering why, too. Why did I save him…? "I didn't. That guy was originally aiming for me so he just hit his target. Don't get so cocky. Why in the world would I save you? I just couldn't dodge it, that's all. This is why I don't like you Shizu-chan. Don't try to force yourself to think like a normal human being when you don't need to. It doesn't suit you."

He seemed to become dumbfounded in disbelief. Couldn't dodge it? What a lame lie that was, but after several minutes of thinking and silence, he finally came up with a comeback. Good job, Shizu-chan. Good job. "If I were thinking like a normal human, I wouldn't think _you_ saved _me_."

"Well maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. Can't you just get over it? You have nothing to do with me. Never did, never will. Let's pretend we never met each other and that the Orihara Izaya you know is dead because I-" I breathed. Then it got caught in my throat and I didn't know exactly what went wrong, but I choked out the last words. "Leave me alone or kill me. That's how we always were."

"Guess I'm out of here then…" I couldn't help but notice the slight disappointment in his tone. It was starting to mess with my mind. What did he have to be upset about? Why can't he just chuck something at me like usual? Can't we return to the way we were?

Or have we always been strangers? I realized in horror.

Nothing more. Nothing less… we never clicked ever since our meeting. The first time our eyes met, we just decided that we were going to hate each other. No chance to understand one another. There was no meaning in our emotions. Even I, who had loved all sorts of humans, couldn't come to terms with Heiwajima Shizuo. He was different. He was straightforward and true. Something I could never be. Something I would never consider to be. Back then…

When our eyes had met…

* * *

The world was horrible. Truly disgusting. Where I could have chosen to shut out all the noise and live as though things would be alright as long as I was, I didn't. I wasn't okay. I lived in constant fear of the noise. The crowds that were never there, talking behind my back. They would point out every mistake I made, every mistake someone else made, and move on to their next victim after sucking the life out, target after target.

We couldn't be different- no, we were never allowed to be different. Otherwise you were bullied. Otherwise you were left out of the circle until you graduated and moved somewhere else where no one else knew you. Because for some reason they remember. They remember who the oddball was and tease them because they are afraid of being the next odd one out. We moved as one, we moved as all. We moved until each oddball broke down into tears, broke down into shreds, broke down until they were no more.

This, this was the state of Ikebukuro. Or the entire Japan. I do not consider myself knowledgeable in everything about the world, but to me Japan, no, Ikebukuro was my world. The filthy, tiny world that I couldn't escape from. My one and only reality.

My parents were normal. They worked hard. They smiled, laughed, cried, got angry, and even loved normally. Yet, watching them day by day, I began to grow crazy.

Why couldn't they see the filth in this world?

I was scared of this world. I was scared of my parents for being sucked into this world so much that they considered it normal. I was starting to lose my sanity…and when they saw me, when they pinpointed me as their next target…it was all over.

For them I mean. Not me.

Before I realized it, I was talking to people I didn't know. Creating sweet words that they were dying to hear, giving them the air they wanted to breathe in. Manipulating their emotions to the likes of my will; human marionettes to pit against one another. Humans were interesting. Humans were fabulous. Unpredictable at times, but with the right teachings they became obedient. With the right goal, they would strive for it. All the while I watched this. I watched this and thought.

Wow. What if I could do this to the whole Ikebukuro?

Then, Heiwajima Shizuo came into my line of vision. When our eyes had met, his intensity blew me away. Somewhat literally. Haha…

He was a mountain against a tornado. Running head on, he might become torn, eroded, but the base would still be there. Refusing to budge even against such atrocity, he was a man who knew exactly how he wanted to be. Such a strong will I didn't want to comprehend. I just knew from that instant he will never change. He will not hear a word I say, and will not bend to my rules.

_He will never understand me._

I disliked him, and he disliked me. Or maybe I was just jealous. Jealous of his firm stance, the life in his eyes, and the will to keep on busting through anything that came his way. His strength of heart, mind, and body was immeasurable.

Or maybe he just refused to think about it. Instead, letting himself act on it.

* * *

I could feel a tear roll down my cheek. Then another, then another. Quickly bringing my hands up, I wiped them away.

It was me. All this time it had been me. If I hadn't played pranks on him he wouldn't have turned around. If I hadn't provoked him he wouldn't speak. If I hadn't framed him for crimes, he wouldn't remember me. It was all my selfish way of wanting to keep the string tied, and involving someone who would otherwise have steered clear into my own sick, twisted world. Those…those were probably the reasons. I didn't think much when I saw them start to shoot. Shizu-chan might be strong, but he wasn't as fast as I was. I just reacted. So now that all ties could be severed and I could feel our rivalry melting away, I was scared all over again. What was I supposed to do when he was gone?

On the other hand, Heiwajima Shizuo looked quite flabbergasted. He clearly didn't understand women. "W-what's up with you? Does something hurt?" He walked up and almost placed a hand on my shoulder before pulling away unable to figure out where to touch.

"You're such a jerk! Such a jerk!" I pulled at the front of his jacket. "I hate you! I hate you so much! FINE! LEAVE IF YOU WANT TO!"

Shizu-chan looked at my hand on his jacket pointedly, stating that what I'm saying and doing didn't match at all. I grabbed on harder, regardless, refusing to let him go even if he really wanted to. I wasn't ready to be all alone again. My voice trembled in correspondence with my fists. "Why don't you understand anything…"

Then it seemed like a miracle happened. He crouched down and I hiccupped into a tight hug. I fell silent, just staring into the open door beyond his shoulder. If I saw his expression then, I might have laughed because it was the same confused one I was wearing right now. It looked like even he didn't understand what he was doing, and the third awkward silence fell between us.

Moments slowly turned into seconds then minutes. Apparently, he wasn't going to say anything, and I got tired of the nervous beatings in my chest. What was I expecting? "Shizu-chan...?"

"I didn't understand. Nor did I _want_ to understand."

"Then why-"

"Can't you just shut up?" He shifted uncomfortably when he said this. So I thought he didn't think about what he was about to do, but instead did it. So there was no way he'd know why he had his arms around me. Why we were tossed into this kind of situation. But that wasn't so...

"You're the one that still doesn't get it."

"...?"

"I thought you were dead." For three weeks. "I thought you died._ And I wasn't going to get any goddamned explanation. Of course I thought about it_."

"But didn't Shinra-"

"_Shut up._" I shuddered at the sudden icy tone, but he pulled me in a tighter hug. "I hate it..."

"I hate it when people are a cryptic bastard like you are. But it's even worse when they do crazy shit like that at the last second."

It confused him. It confused me, even. It turned everything around. The world as we knew it. Why did it have to be like this... why did we never _try _to talk about it?

It wasn't just me, and it wasn't just him. Both of us...we never tried. We didn't know how to. When we realized it, we were both already in our seperate roles, doing what was expected out of us. Day after day there was no change, and soon...that thoughts would be near impossible because he would try to chuck something at me and I would try to provoke him into a angry fit. We stopped thinking of what could have been because it was so much easier to accept that nothing would change. Keeping a comfortable bond that was seemingly endless unless one of us had managed to kill the other, we never tried to turn it into anything less...anything more.

It was time we finally restarted.

"Hey Shizu-chan…"

"Did I not tell you to shut up?"

"When was the last time I listened to you?" I chuckled, quietly.

"…Fine. What?"

"Do you like me?"

"No. I hate you. You should have died."

I laughed, closing my eyes and finally returning the hug. "Jerk. You should die too."

"But…"

"Yeah?"

He never got to finish his sentence because someone coughed and it wasn't me or him. My eyes snapped open and we pushed each other away quickly before encountering a bemused Shinra. He twitched and stepped backward. "How's it going guys…?"

I personally felt that he deserved the second punch to the face.

* * *

_Few years later._

Kanra: Heeeey! It's Kanra-chan with big news!

Tanaka Tarou: As usual lol. Umm…what is it about this time, Kanra-san?

Setton: …

Kanra: I~m getting married this summer!

Setton: Is that even allowed…?

Tanaka Tarou: Wow! Congratulations.

Tanaka Tarou: What do you mean, Setton-san?

Kanra: Oh~! I'm just pursing my womanly happiness. Inside joke, Tarou-chan. You're invited by the way. w

I spun around happily in my chair, and signed out from the chatroom. Ne, Shizu-chan...for the first time in my life, I feel like there is something called true happiness in this world.

* * *

"_But…from now, let me do the protecting." _

Shinra would never know what he cut off.

* * *

The end.

I honestly feel a little better about this version, so I'm keeping it.


End file.
